“Life is not a problem to be solved; it is an adventure to be lived.” -John Eldridge, Wild at Heart
The phone is ringing, it’s Josh. Hmm, it’s not the normal time he usually calls from work. He sounds a little nervous. He has to go to Phoenix for work and he wants me to go with him. Sounds fun! I could use some time away. Wait, I’ll have to ask Grams to come watch the kids. I bet this will be a hassle for her. I hate to ask her to come all the way from Tulsa just so I can go on a trip with my husband. Is this selfish? I hope this doesn’t seem selfish. What about the kids? Are they going to feel left out because we are not taking them? Maybe we should just take them. Hmm, I don’t think that’s the kind of trip Josh had in mind. I want to go but it seems like such a disruption to everyone’s life.
Ok, so let me (Josh) tell you my side of it. I used to have to travel for work…a lot. It was not good for me or our marriage but at that time I was finding my value in work. I used work as an excuse to make myself feel better and to escape some of the issues we were having. Now I try not to travel for work unless I just have to. Because of the issues traveling used to bring, when it does come up, I’m terrified to talk to Chrissy about it. Last year, when I was asked to go to Phoenix, I thought this would be a great time for Chrissy and I. We could get away and try something new. Don’t get the wrong idea; I was really nervous about asking her to go. I didn’t know what we would do, or if we’d even have time to do anything. For all I knew, she could end up spending all day in a hotel room, by herself. What if she didn’t want to go? What if she got upset about me going out of town again? What if we had a horrible time? I know I can be kind of boring, she’s the fun one. What if she has a terrible time with me?
Well…she said yes!
Neither of us had been to Arizona before so we started planning out some stuff that might be fun. Not knowing what Josh’s schedule would be we looked up some stuff online and Chrissy made a Pinterest board. Josh ended up only working during the day and we had our evenings to ourselves. We put almost a thousand miles on our rental car in four days! We saw some amazing sights, a sunset in Sedona and we had an amazing time!
Was it easy? Nope. Was it risky? Yes. Did it go exactly as we had planned? Not a chance. Did we grow closer together? Without a doubt! Was it an adventure? Absolutely!
You need adventure in your marriage.
Adventure is defined as doing something exciting or having an unusual experience, to take a chance. It’s basically trying something new, together! It can be big, but it can also be small. Adventure can be confusing to some people. They think it’s only mountain climbing or sky diving. Yes, those are adventures, but they can also be as simple as trying a new restaurant. Your adventure together might be a calling, or even a ministry. It could be moving to a different state, with no money, to start a new job and career, like we did once!
Remember when you first started dating? What did you do? All sorts of stuff! We looked forward to the weekend so we could do something together. We would find any excuse to call each other and talk about what we were going to do that weekend. Somewhere along the path we lose that. Life gets in the way, kids come along and we stop doing things together. We stop adventuring together. We stop being close and we stop being friends.
That’s not God’s best for our marriage. So what is? Let’s take a look at what God told Adam and Eve:
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.”
God told THEM, not just Adam, not just Eve, but both of them, to do two things. First, have sex (we’ll save that one for a later post)! The second one is to subdue the earth. God told Adam and Eve, to go have an adventure…together!
Adventure brings friendship and closeness. It’s what you had when you were dating, and you can have it again! This is God’s plan for us, as couples. He has an adventure for you to do together!
Starting out, adventure can seem like such a distant thing. It can feel hard and risky. Remember, it doesn’t have to be something big. Start small. Here are some ideas to get your brain going:
- Have a date night. On your date night, talk about fun things you’d like to do.
- Separately, write out a list of 10 things you’d like to try. Then, come together and look for the common ground on your list. Try those things.
- Go on a hike.
- Try a new restaurant.
- Borrow a friend’s camping gear and go camping for the weekend.
- Subscribe to Date Box (Use this link: getdatebox.com). It’s an entire date that shows up once a month in the mail!
- Lead or attend a small group through your church.
As you can see, adventure requires some effort. Guess what that brings? Communication, closeness, friendship and trust, all the things we want in our marriage. When you start adventuring together, don’t be surprised, God will give you a bigger adventure and show you the purpose for your lives!
We would love to see your adventures! Post your adventures on social media and tag us. Use the hashtags, #alongtheroad and #teammariage.