Friendship: The Necessary Evil (For The Guys)

The only way to have a friend is to be one. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have a hard time making friends. I think this is true for most guys. When I say friends, I mean guys I talk to about the hard stuff. You know, share your thoughts and feelings with. I think there is an unspoken code among boys and men that we tell ourselves that we are fine and we don’t need anyone. I just checked and I have over 400 “friends” on Facebook, but I don’t talk to any of them. Why is that?

For me, I have a hard time trusting other guys, and it doesn’t help that I’m pretty insecure about myself. I’ve been close friends with other guys before, and have been burned and hurt. I’m learning though, that everyone is dealing with something. We all have wounds, and sometimes those wounds hurt others. Insecurity is tough to get over, but I’m also finding that guys who intimidate me, that have a better job, a better family, or relationship with God, are just as insecure as I am.

We all need friends and we all want friends, but how do we do it? Let’s use Jesus as our model, He had different circles of friends. First, Jesus had the 12 disciples, a broad group he poured himself into. Next, He had 3 that were closer (Peter, James and John), and finally, one that was the closest, John. (You know him best by the saying the “one whom Jesus loved”).

We need men in our lives that we pour into, we need a close group of guys to do life with, and we need someone we can call if it all hits the fan. Do you have those men? I didn’t. I thought my wife could sustain my friendship needs, and though she is my closest friend, I found I needed other guys too.

Finding friends is hard and messy, but they are out there. They are waiting for you to move first. Isn’t that what you are doing, waiting on someone else to show up and be your friend? Don’t you wish that successful guy at church would talk to you, or ask you over for a BBQ? It’s not going to happen because making friends is up to you.

Start by asking God to help you find friends, then start looking! Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous CHOOSE their friends carefully.” I was able to find most of my friends attending Small Groups through our Church. Begin by looking for qualities you like in others. Don’t forget to look for compatibility with your wives, because it helps if your wives get along as well. Spend some time together, you don’t have too commit to much. How about coffee in the morning one day? Just see if something clicks.

Once you start connecting, find a time to meet regularly. For our group, it’s early Saturday mornings before the family gets up. We talk about hard stuff, go through books together and bounce questions off each other. You are going to have to schedule time for this or it doesn’t stick. Life is always getting in the way, so you have to make it a priority. Make sure you are calling or texting each other a couple times a week to check in, keep this thing moving.

Once you meet for a few weeks and keep the momentum going, the next thing you know, you are starting to develop Spiritual Family. You have people around you that are like-minded, and you do life with. You are doing birthdays, game nights, and holidays with friends that can be closer than family. You have guys to keep you accountable (because every man needs accountability), guys to help you grow and see things in yourself that you don’t see. You have a Spiritual Family to do life with. A family to call when you need help, when life gets hard, or to celebrate with.

I’ll tell you upfront, it’s not easy to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). It takes work, but it’s worth it.

4 Comments on “Friendship: The Necessary Evil (For The Guys)

  1. Read your message Josh. First of all, that was very brave and humbling. Wise words my friend and I’m thankful for you being strong. It’s just amazing to be in Jesus’ Love.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *