Friendship: The Necessary Evil (For The Guys)

The only way to have a friend is to be one. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have a hard time making friends. I think this is true for most guys. When I say friends, I mean guys I talk to about the hard stuff. You know, share your thoughts and feelings with. I think there is an unspoken code among boys and men that we tell ourselves that we are fine and we don’t need anyone. I just checked and I have over 400 “friends” on Facebook, but I don’t talk to any of them. Why is that?

For me, I have a hard time trusting other guys, and it doesn’t help that I’m pretty insecure about myself. I’ve been close friends with other guys before, and have been burned and hurt. I’m learning though, that everyone is dealing with something. We all have wounds, and sometimes those wounds hurt others. Insecurity is tough to get over, but I’m also finding that guys who intimidate me, that have a better job, a better family, or relationship with God, are just as insecure as I am.

We all need friends and we all want friends, but how do we do it? Let’s use Jesus as our model, He had different circles of friends. First, Jesus had the 12 disciples, a broad group he poured himself into. Next, He had 3 that were closer (Peter, James and John), and finally, one that was the closest, John. (You know him best by the saying the “one whom Jesus loved”).

We need men in our lives that we pour into, we need a close group of guys to do life with, and we need someone we can call if it all hits the fan. Do you have those men? I didn’t. I thought my wife could sustain my friendship needs, and though she is my closest friend, I found I needed other guys too.

Finding friends is hard and messy, but they are out there. They are waiting for you to move first. Isn’t that what you are doing, waiting on someone else to show up and be your friend? Don’t you wish that successful guy at church would talk to you, or ask you over for a BBQ? It’s not going to happen because making friends is up to you.

Start by asking God to help you find friends, then start looking! Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous CHOOSE their friends carefully.” I was able to find most of my friends attending Small Groups through our Church. Begin by looking for qualities you like in others. Don’t forget to look for compatibility with your wives, because it helps if your wives get along as well. Spend some time together, you don’t have too commit to much. How about coffee in the morning one day? Just see if something clicks.

Once you start connecting, find a time to meet regularly. For our group, it’s early Saturday mornings before the family gets up. We talk about hard stuff, go through books together and bounce questions off each other. You are going to have to schedule time for this or it doesn’t stick. Life is always getting in the way, so you have to make it a priority. Make sure you are calling or texting each other a couple times a week to check in, keep this thing moving.

Once you meet for a few weeks and keep the momentum going, the next thing you know, you are starting to develop Spiritual Family. You have people around you that are like-minded, and you do life with. You are doing birthdays, game nights, and holidays with friends that can be closer than family. You have guys to keep you accountable (because every man needs accountability), guys to help you grow and see things in yourself that you don’t see. You have a Spiritual Family to do life with. A family to call when you need help, when life gets hard, or to celebrate with.

I’ll tell you upfront, it’s not easy to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). It takes work, but it’s worth it.

Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day this week and if you are married, you know the pressure that can bring. Are you expecting too much from this one day? God wants us to show love to our spouses everyday, not just on Valentine’s Day! Join us as we talk about how you can show love to your spouse daily.

Click here for our Date Night Questions.

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Love and War Online Study (Video) – Week 6

It’s week number 6 of our online Love and War group. This week we are talking about Storm Clouds.

Hard times come to every marriage and how you handle those hard times will make a huge difference!

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Love and War Online Study (Video) – Week 5

In week 5 of our Love and War small group we talked about dealing with the enemy. Did you know that your marriage is opposed and the enemy wants to take your marriage out? Learn how to come against the agreements that we make against our spouses.

We are now over the halfway point in our Love & War group, so don’t forget to share this post. Also, leave is a comment below. We would love to hear from you!

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Love and War Online Study (Video) – Week 4

In week 4 of our online small group we talk about adventuring together as couples. Friendship is key in our marriages. Learn how to recapture your friendship and discover the mission God has for you together!

We want to hear from you, please comment below. Don’t forget to like and share this post!

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Love and War Online Study (Video) – Week 3

It’s week 3 of our Love and War online group. This week we are talking about the disappointment that we all experience in marriage. Who are you looking to for fulfillment? Is it your spouse?

We’d love to hear from you! Leave us a comment below and don’t forget to share our post!

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Love and War Online Study (Video) – Week 2

We all get married with feelings of excitement and newness, but it doesn’t take long for us to figure out that marriage is hard. What if God made it that way on purpose? Join us for our week two of the online Love and War study.

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Love and War Online Study (Video) – Week 1

Welcome to Week 1 of our #teammarriage Love and War online study group. We would love to hear from you! Post your questions or remarks in the comments section.

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Love and War Online Study (Video) – Introduction

Whether you have a great marriage or a sinking one, it can always be better! Join our online #teammarriage community as we go through the book Love and War.

Don’t forget to pick up your copy of John and Stasi Eldridge’s book Love and War. You can get it at Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307730212/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xav8xbVG95H0X

Online Love & War Group Study

Hey everyone! It’s been a while since we’ve posted, and we wanted to update you on what’s going on. We started the Love & War small group at our church. It’s been so good, we wanted to invite you guys along with us! We’ll be posting videos, discussion questions and just general ideas from the book on Facebook. You can follow us at https://www.facebook.com/AlongTheRoadBlog/. If you don’t have a copy of John and Stasi Eldredge’s book, you can pick it up here on Amazon and join along with us.